I'm The Alpha's Mate Read online

  I feel as if someone else has taken over my body. They have buttoned me down, climbed in, and buttoned me right back up. Why must I fight for control over my own mind? How can something so precious as the mate bond hypnotize me and filter all the negative parts of my mate out of my mind as if I have never heard of them in the first place? I wish there were someone to put an end to all these prodding questions jumbled in my head. I thought there was, but from our encounter in the restroom, I am finding it hard to trust her words.

  Sebastian pushes one of the doors open and leads me into the familiar room. The room where I collected myself. Everything is in the same exact place as earlier except for the new stack of clothing sitting neatly at the end of the bed.

  “Marina brought you clothes to sleep in.”

  I nod.

  The air begins to grow denser as my lungs greedily take it in.

  “I…I don’t think I can sleep here,” I say to him.

  Thankfully, Sebastian brings me to a spare bedroom, which takes a vast amount of weight off my shoulders, though before he disappears down the hallway, he looks back at me from the doorway.

  “Sleep, if you can manage to,” he says before returning to his bedroom.

  Confused by his words, I place the sleepwear on the bed and take the extra bandaging from the top of the pile. Marina must have remembered what the doctor said.

  The door on the left wall takes me into a bathroom, and I glance in the mirror as I attempt to remove the old bandages. After tossing the used wrappings in the garbage and replacing them with fresh ones, I change out of the borrowed clothes into a new pair. When I get back to my grandma’s house, I will have to grab the clothes that I own and thank whoever Fiona is. Hopefully, she does not mind sharing her wardrobe.

  “Why are we in a separate room?” my wolf asks.

  “Because he is a stranger.”

  “But you do not feel that way.”

  I ignore her and climb into the foreign sheets.

  Finally, I realize why Sebastian said what he did because no matter what I do, one fact stays glued to my mind: my mate is sleeping in the bedroom next to mine, and I cannot get to him. Obviously, I can physically walk over to him, but that is not the issue. I cannot simply barge in while he is sleeping and expect him to solve my problem. There is always the solution of sleeping in the same bed, together, but there is no way that is happening. I will not back down from my decision now. Sure, he has kissed my cheeks, but sleeping in the same bed is entirely different.

  Rolling over, I groan for the thousandth time. All I can picture is his big arms holding me close, protecting me. I imagine the warm, intimate sensation of his breaths fanning the back of my neck, making me want to scream. The animal inside wants his touch, and it wants it now. Groaning again, I shove my pillow in my face, hiding my deep blush from the world.

  I did not think about these things before him.

  A part of me hopes he is struggling too, even though that is outright selfish and egotistical of me. Yet this part of me wants his thoughts to only be with me during times like these.

  Kicking the covers off my restless body, I become frustrated. I just want to sleep, and without him, sleeping has become a chore.

  ***

  Henry and I walk side by side in the direction of the stream, according to him, as my sense of direction is lost as of now. The two of us have not had a proper introduction, and I want to utilize this time to do so. He seems like an exciting person, easygoing, and enjoyable to be around. His lovely brown eyes give me hints of fulfillment. Henry, from the looks of him, comes across as someone who is currently at peace with their life, but I know everyone has hurdles to jump over.

  “Henry, if you and Sebastian are brothers, how come he is alpha, and you aren’t?” I ask, curious to learn more about pack leadership and his views.

  He glances at me then looks back to the forest scenery surrounding us, engulfing us. The sounds that I have grown accustomed to and missed dearly caress me in their arms, gently rocking me back and forth.

  “He is older, so he got the position.”

  “Did you want it, to be alpha?”

  He shrugs. “When I was younger, the fact that Sebastian was going to be alpha seemed unfair, but now I’ve realized that I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed it.”

  “Why’s that?”

  Henry glances at me again, and he lets out a short sigh, needing an extra second to piece together an answer.

  “Sebastian, he needs it…to be alpha. I only wanted it.”

  Leaves crunch under our feet. The thin, dead looking nothings that have fallen all the way down from the branch they once so desperately clasped to. I watch my feet as they hover over the next bunch and ruthlessly stomp down on them, loving the muffled grinding sounds.

  “You have always lived so close to our borders,” he starts. “Sounds a little dangerous.”

  “As odd as it sounds, I never knew there was a pack so close by, and I’m sure my grandmother didn’t either. She’s not a big fan of packs.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “Well, she’s always been independent. Her and my grandfather before he passed. I don’t know. Maybe she didn’t want to follow the rules. I haven’t asked her about anything specific,” I explain. “For as long as I can remember she’s lived out here, though my mother never talked about her much.”

  Henry nods briefly. “You’ve never had any problems with rogues?”

  “Not that I know of, but then again, I just learned what a rogue is.”

  “It is someone who does not belong to a pack, a werewolf who follows their own rules. You know”—he manages to grab my attention just as it starts to stray from the sounds of rustling leaves—“technically you and your grandmother are rogues.”

  “Is that a bad thing? Because everyone at your pack sure makes it sound like it. I mean, two of them were about to be killed.”

  “You aren’t a threat. I’m sure about that. Sebastian told me about what you did, and those rogues, they were not good ones.”

  My brows furrow together as I try to understand what he is saying. The two men that I pretended to risk my life for were not good people?

  “What do you mean? How do you know?”

  “Those two guys have been killing our guards around the borders. I thought Sebastian would have told you, but now that I think of it, if I were him, I wouldn’t want you to worry about things like that. I would want you to feel safe.”

  The sounds of trickling water begin to creep towards me, and I immediately know we are close. It is hard to be excited after finding out the men are killers. This makes me continually remind myself that my mate has indeed killed people, but I cannot help but push that detail to the back of my mind.

  “The girl.” I look up at him. “The girl from my cell. Has she been freed?”

  Henry’s face molds into something regretful.

  “I don’t know. I went in there for you, but I didn’t see any girl.”

  “So she’s just gone?”

  “Well, I don’t wanna get you down since you didn’t know about the two men, but if she died, someone would have removed her body. There are other possibilities though. Maybe she was released before I could get to her.”

  My shoulders slowly fall, and my entire body hunches forward. As much as I want to believe the girl was released, the tone of Henry’s voice tells me it was a slim chance.

  Henry notices my displeasure and nudges me lightly.

  “Is that the house? I’m assuming it is.”

  Chapter 6

  “Come in, dear. I’ve made snacks.” My grandmother rushes me through the door, and I look back at Henry, but he is already gone.

  He told me that he was going to go for a walk while I am with my grandmother. I insisted that he come inside, but he wanted to give us time alone.

  “I’ll meet her next time,” he said.

  “We have much to talk about.” Grandmother sits me down in the chair across from her.

&
nbsp; A platter of small sandwiches and a pitcher of water takes over the surface of the coffee table, and I smile. My stomach has been begging for something whipped up by her.

  “Are you in a hurry to get rid of me?”

  “No, no. I just need you to hear this.”

  I bite into a sandwich and glance up at her, not knowing what she is going to say. Quickly, I swallow.

  “Is it bad? Is something wrong?”

  Grandmother sits back and clasps her hands together, resting them on her lap.

  “It is about the Moon Goddess.”

  “What…what about her?”

  I shakily set the rest of my sandwich down and focus entirely on my grandmother’s next words.

  “Darling, I know about you. I know what you can do.” She abruptly shoves me under the harsh spotlight and abandons me on the grand stage, forcing me to stand alone.

  “What are you talking about?”

  She sighs. “I have it too, dear. I’ve always been able to communicate with—”

  “What?” I interrupt her, not having the patience to wait for a second longer. “Y-you what?”

  I fall back against the chair and look around at nothing specific. My head is going to burst, and I do not think I can stop it this time. My eyes stay staring wildly at something as my head attempts to process her statement.

  “I have it too, dear.” She makes it sound so expected, so utterly normal when it is definitely not. I have lived with my grandmother for a decade. An entire decade and she has managed to keep this from me.

  “Why?” I ask dramatically, finally gaining back the ability to form words. “Why, why didn’t you—”

  “Your mother did not want you to know, dear. For a long time, your mother has been pushing herself away from me, not wanting me to influence your life and such. Well, she got desperate and sent you here. I was over the moon, but her one condition was that I wouldn’t tell you that we share this, this gift and such. If you knew about me, well then your mother would expect you to embrace it more. She never wanted this, you know. She tried so very hard to keep you from it.”

  “How can she keep me from it if it consumes my life? It’s a part of me, not some habit,” I say to her, frustrated by my mother’s thinking.

  “I know, dear. I had tried explaining it to her many times in the past when she was around your age, but she refuses to listen. I love her, but your mother is stubborn, so very set in her ways.”

  I take a deep breath and sit up straight. My eyes wander out the window beside us, searching for Henry, but he is nowhere in sight. He must have walked far.

  “So, you see her? You talk to her?” I ask slowly as if I must test the waters.

  My grandmother nods. “For as long as I can remember.”

  “Do you know why we can? I mean, how can we do it?”

  She shifts in her spot. “Well, I suppose it runs in the family. My mother had it, but her mother did not, nor did her grandmother, but possibly her great-grandmother—”

  “So it skips around. So it skipped over my mother?”

  “Well,” she ponders, “I suppose that could be. I am not sure how long it has been in the family, darling, but I am assuming for a long time. How it all began, now that is a good question I cannot answer.”

  “So, why did you tell me now, after all this time? Because I’ve found my mate?”

  “It’s seemed about time. You’ve left the nest, found your mate, and no longer need me.”

  “Oh, Grandma,” I exaggerate. “Of course I still need you. You don’t have to stay out here alone. I’m sure you can come join the pack with—”

  She waves her hand, cutting me short, before pouring herself a glass of water and taking a sip. She sets the cup back down on the table and gazes out the window.

  “You know, I like it out here. No one can control me out here. I do what I please. Your grandfather and I always have.”

  I sigh, accepting her refusal. “Well, will you tell me what you and Sebastian talked about? Why you made me leave?”

  “Oh, he just asked me if I would like to join. The two of you already think alike.”

  My brows scrunch together. “Why did I have to leave then?”

  “He didn’t want you influencing my decision.”

  We continue to talk as I munch on the sandwiches. I tell the story behind my head wound, and she is not impressed, especially after discovering the two men were no good. Talking to her about it makes me feel less upset over the ordeal, giving me a chance to rid myself of the pesky what-if thoughts.

  Being back home has given my muscles a chance to relax, and again, everything is at a slower pace. The last few days have been hectic from sleeping in an intolerable cell, finding my mate, injuring myself, and now discovering my grandmother shares the gift, as she puts it.

  My grandmother did cause me to tense at the mention of my mother though, as it has become a sensitive topic along with my father. Whenever I think of them, my mind shoots to times of unworthiness and isolation. A lot of memories have dug their way to the surface recently.

  Not only does my mind have a break from the constant eruptions of sudden commotion, but I have caught myself thinking clearly of my mate, my thoughts no longer censored by our inevitable connection. When my grandmother rambles on about the winter season approaching, I stray to the idea of my mate being a bad person—a killer disguised by the animalistic side of me.

  A good chunk of my mind knows that he does what he does to protect his pack, and I understand even though I may not know what the sense of safety costs. Death has never clouded my thoughts, and I do not think they cloud Sebastian’s either. Maybe one day I will grow used to the concept of killing those who threaten to kill you, but I am not entirely sure if I should believe in such ideas in general.

  Half of my upbringing was spent in an attic, so I am not one to judge others of theirs, but Sebastian’s actions must have been a result of watching his father. Assuming the father was alpha before him. His father could have taught him how to act and react to certain situations.

  Before drawing any conclusions in my head, I should ask more about packs and how they function. Since I am supposedly a luna now, it can only do me right to educate myself on such things.

  “Grandma?” I grab her attention. “I know that I’ll have to tell Sebastian about the Moon Goddess and what not eventually, but it has me a little worried. Now that I know you’ve been through similar issues, how did you tell Grandpa? How did he react?”

  “It is hard to disapprove of someone you are linked to in such a distinctive and powerful way, dear. When I told your grandfather, he was a little confused at first, but after a few more times of explaining, he saw it as another part of me. People change each other, but some parts you just have to either accept or acknowledge and move on.”

  My eyes shift to the window, examining the nearby trees and bushes for any sign of Henry.

  “Don’t worry yourself too much. Tell him and know that he can either accept this part of you or realize it is there and get on with life,” my grandmother tells me.

  I look back to her. “What about my parents? What kind of reaction did they have?”

  “They did not react. They had an instinct to protect you.”

  “But that’s what I don’t understand. What are they protecting me from?”

  She sighs and faces her neatly placed hands as they rest on her knee. “The attack—”

  “I know, I know. The attack. If it were only because of an attack, they would have brought me back after things settled down. Instead, they left me here and didn’t tell me why.”

  “You were only eight years old, Evangeline. How could they have told you, or explained all the reasons why you are safest he—”

  I sit up straight. “Alright, so what is stopping you from telling me now?”

  “Next time.” She stands up and grabs the empty platter from the coffee table. “I’m sure your mate is waiting for you, so we will talk about it next time.”

>   Somewhat frustrated, I take a deep breath and get up from my seat. “Okay, I’ll be back tomorrow.”

  “You know, I need time to think about things too, dear. Why don’t you bond with your mate, spend time with him, and visit in a few days? In a few days, I can explain why your parents did what they did. Process what you’ve learned today and give yourself time.”

  Our goodbyes are short, as I am expecting to see her very soon. After grabbing some clothes, I head out of the house to track down Henry. Presuming him to be close by, I call his name towards the trees and wait for a reply, but none comes.

  “Henry?” I call out again, but the only response is that of a flock of birds abandoning a near tree.

  Did he go back? Maybe I took longer than he initially thought, so he went back to the house.

  I make my way back to the borders and track down one of the guards we saw when first heading over. He sees me and walks over.

  “Didn’t you leave with Henry, the alpha’s brother?” the guard asks.

  “I was just about to see if he came back without me,” I explain. “I called for him, but he didn’t answer.”

  The guard hurries to another one close by, and I watch as he tells him something. The guard with the new information then shifts into a large chestnut wolf before sprinting off in the direction I came from.

  The guard I first spoke to returns. “If he does not come back with Henry in twenty minutes, we will inform the alpha. Did he say if he was going anywhere?”

  “Well, for a walk, but it was over an hour.”

  I return to the house and hesitantly step inside. It is odd not having anyone to lead me to a particular room or take me to a specific person. Not knowing what to do, I take my bag of clothing, which is enough to last me until my next visit to grandmother, and I climb up to the bedroom I laid in last night. I refer to the act as “laid” since not much sleep came to me.

  There was an array of tossing and turning, flipping the pillow, throwing the blanket on and off my body, and trying to take my mind off my mate. It is as if my body needs him now to function properly.